– OVERGROUND BUNKER
A massive data leak (kind of a data drizzle) has revealed at least 20 new images from Matt Carpenter.
The first image to drizzle out looked roughly precisely like this:
Analysts have been unable to determine how this data leak occurred. We do know that the data appeared in Morse code on the wall in a Sizzler restroom and was eventually translated back to images using a bunch of high-tech computer bullshit.
Initial reactions to the new imagery have been mixed, like a frozen microwave meal halfway through the cooking process (replace film cover and cook for an additional 3 minutes).
The manager of the Sizzler was very proud of their bathroom, and really enjoyed the artwork that came out of it. “I’ve always known that our little restroom would grow up to do great things,” Blake Sizzle, Sizzler manager said. “This is an historic moment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta take a shit.”
Wolf Blitzer was unavailable for Sizzler Drizzle comment.
Matt Carpenter was available for comment, but we didn’t want to bother him.
The artwork has now appeared in the “Newest Additions” section of the mattcarpenterart.com gallery. An “Experiments” subsection has been added to the New Additions as well, for more experimental works. The experiments don’t appear to be completed but they are interesting and share-worthy, so they’ve been uploaded.
ANALYZING THE LEAK
The Morse code on the bathroom wall was carefully inspected by experts, who discovered a couple of interesting things.
The sharpie that was used on the wall appears to be the same Sharpie that wrote “BONE JAWZ 2017” on a mirror at the coffee shop across the street. Nobody seems to know what “BONE JAWZ” means, including Joey Java, the manager of the coffee shop.
After further expert analysis, we learned that the handwriting of “BONE JAWZ 2017” matches the handwriting from a note written on the inside front cover of a copy of “The Hardy Boys: The Secret of the Caves” at the local library. Loanne Booker, the library’s manager, read the note to us from the Hardy Boys book: “We are all around you, but you’ll never find us! Stay away from the caves, though, because you definitely won’t find anything there.”
Investigators searched the caves and they definitely didn’t find anything there. They should have trusted the note. Always trust the note.
For now, the identity of dat data drizzler or drizzlers (The Sizzler Drizzlers?) remains unknown. If further information is discovered, you’ll either hear about it first here or on Sizzler.com.
ENJOYING THE ARTWORK
We have developed a method for enjoying the artwork. Follow these instructions very closely for optimal results:
- Click on the link above.
- Click on a thumbnail for one of the artworks that looks interesting.
- Look at the artwork.
- Think to yourself “huh. neat.”
- On the right side of the page, click the thumbnail of another artwork.
- Look at the artwork.
- Think to yourself “neat. huh.”
- You have successfully enjoyed artwork. Turn off your computer.
NOTICE: These instructions are not guaranteed to be correct on a mobile device. Be careful. Don’t drop your phone.
Future plans include:
Thank you for keeping yourself informed and for enjoying art. You’re pretty neat. Huh.