Traffic Jams Predicted in California as the Nation Rushes to see Matt Carpenter’s Artwork on Display at 2nd Street Cigar Lounge and Gallery in Downtown Los Angeles on Friday May 2nd, 2014

– DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES, CA, USA, EARTH, MILKY WAY, DOWN THE STREET FROM THE VIRGO SUPERCLUSTER, UNIVERSE, MULTIVERSE

Truck drivers are pissed. Taxi drivers are thrilled. Matt Carpenter is semi-prepared.

“Semi-prepared for what,” you may ask?

Go ahead. You may ask.

Ahh, I’m glad you asked!

5 works from Matt Carpenter will be on display and available for purchase at a kick-ass downtown Los Angeles venue. Info below:

Who:

Local artists including painters and photographers will be present with their works on display, as well as the mysterious figure behind www.mattcarpenterart.com.

What:

What?

When:

The display starts with an opening reception on Friday, May 2nd, 2014 from 7:00PM to 11:00PM, with Matt Carpenter and other artists in attendance.

The works will remain on display for two weeks.

Where:

2nd Street Cigar Lounge and Gallery

124 W 2nd St, Los Angeles, CA 90012

Why:

Because I said so!

How:

I’m still working on that part.

So the point here is, now might be a good time to get yourself one of those little personal helicopters because traffic is going to be outrageous. Projections estimate that roughly 14.35 million people will be in attendance. Parking, however, is not expected to be a problem.

To ensure they can handle this, 2nd Street Cigar Lounge and Gallery has ordered a few extra boxes of cigars; so don’t panic.

Matt Carpenter was unavailable for comment because he’s super nervous and kinda freaking out. It’ll be OK, though, Matt. We here at www.mattcarpenterart.com have your back!

Even Match, 8" by 10", will be on display
Even Match, 8″ by 10″, will be on display

Any time during that two week period, folks, feel free to swoop by and pick up a cigar and check out (purchase?!) some artwork!

Reporting Live from my laptop, this is some guy signing off. Well I can’t sign off until I submit this post, but you get the idea.

See ya! 🙂

 

New News Post Newly Posted to the News With Commentary From Moe_Ron

– CARPENTER MOONBASE

News of a new news post on http://www.mAttcarpenteRarT.com appeared early this morning in some AOL chatrooms, with people excitedly posting links and sparking debates on the newly posted news post.

Chatroom user “HotGirl1946” was seen saying “Wait, AOL has been free for years now? They’ve been billing me for service for almost 20 years!! brb, calling them”

Chatroom user “lolleyscrolley” had a lot to say:

lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw  lol lol scroll scroll
HotGirl1946: They said they’ll stop billing me.
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
HotGirl1946: hey stop that! some people are still paying for this, kid!
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol bob dole ftw lol lol scroll scroll
lolleyscrolley: lol lol scroll scroll lol lol obama sucks lol lol scroll scroll

The news post was very vague, and not much was learned from it, but the rumors are both flying and travelling by train.

For more on this, we’re joined by our friend Moe_Ron, an avid news reader:

This is our friend, Moe_Ron.
This is our friend, Moe_Ron.

Moe: Well, Ron. What do you think of the newly posted news post?

Ron: It sucks! There’s nothing here. The only thing good about it is that we’re featured here.

Moe: Well, I found it delightful and entertaining. And to top it off, yes, we’re featured! I think this is great!

Ron: It’s bullshit. They have NOTHING to announce. This website fucking blows, Moe. Let’s get out of here!

Moe: Ron, that’s a little harsh. Did you see any of the artwork?

Ron: No, I thought this was just a bunch of stupid fake news stories. Lemmie take a look.

…..

WWWOOOOAAAHHHHHH, man! Did you see the new one? Dandy.

Dandy-Full
Doodle Dandy

Moe: Why do you always call me names like that, Ron? You’re so insensitive. I thought we were friends, but you’re so MEAN to me like ALL the time! You constantly disappoint me 🙁

Ron: You constantly disappoint me as well, Moe. I’m talking about the new artwork called Dandy. That’s the name of the art piece. You idiot.

Moe: Oh. Oh, sorry for getting mad at you, Ron. YES! Yes I looked at them all earlier. I love it!

Ron: Dude there was art on this website this whole time? Why didn’t you tell me?! MOE, what the hell?!

Moe: You never listen to me. I told you to click the links in those stories.

Ron: I was too busy with hookers to click on links. Remember?

Moe: Yeah, did you pay them yet? That guy’s been showing up and pushing me around again, saying he’s gunna hurt you real bad if he doesn’t get his money.

Ron: Don’t worry about it. It’s allllllll good, Moe.

Moe: I AM worried. I know you’re broke, Ron. You shouldn’t get hookers when you’re broke. Didn’t your mother teach you that? She taught ME that.

Ron: She was too busy with hookers to teach me that.

Moe: Oh hey! I wanted to suggest we have pasta for dinner tonight. What do you think?

Ron: I’m sick of your ravioli, Moe. Can’t you make something else? Damn.

Moe: Why do you treat me like this?  Forget it, Ron! Forget it! I’m going to the bar!

Ron: Fine! Good! Go pick up boys; see if I care!!

….

Wait! Moe, wait! Please stay. Let’s have pasta. I love you.

Moe: I love you too, Ronold. Are you hungry?

Ron: Starving. Get your arse in the kitchen!

Moe: Arse? hahaa what are you British now?

Ron: Just trying it out. Didn’t like it. Get your ass in the kitchen!

 

This news reporter couldn’t have said it better, Moe_Ron. Thanks!

We’ll be back at some point in the past or future with another news post. Perhaps there will actually be news to report!

Until then, it’s now.