This Century’s Featured Artwork: Try Angles


The most basic polygon is the triangle. This fucker bridges the gap between angles and shapes.

For those not in the know, a triangle is a three sided two-dimensional polygon. Triangles are kind of like squares, but they have one less side. They’re kind of like an angle but the rays have a line connecting them, creating two more angles in the process so that three lines are now intersecting, warranting the name “TRI-ANGLE.” God damn; you didn’t already know this? Oh.. you did? OK Then. Good job.

There are several types of triangles. There’s the Equal Lottery triangle, for instance. This name has something to do with how random chance made all the sides the same length.

There’s also the I, Saucy Lee triangle, which I think was developed by Saucy Lee. Another one is the Super Cute triangle, which is just absolutely adorable! You should find one and play with it. PRICELESS!

Additionally, there are triangles out there calling themselves Right triangles. I’ve heard they’re some kind of cult. They regularly attempt to assassinate Saucy Lee and constantly put out videos and messages, warnings, and threats on the internet, sharing their main message of “If you’re not Right, you’re Rong!”

So that’s everything mankind knows about triangles so far, and I’m glad I could make this not only entertaining, but educational! By the way, I can’t stop seeing the word “TANGLE” in the word TriANGLE now.

Now that we’re all up to speed, let’s take a look at one of these things. This is what we in the industry call a triangle:


Dammit! Let me try again.

OK. Focus, Matt. Triangle. Three sides. Three angles. THREE sides! Here we go:


YYYYYESSS! Nailed it!

Anyway, what the hell are we doing here? It’s probably time to get to the feature:

I recently created this thing called the TripGrid. I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. Were you? Here it is:


I really like what happens in the negative space (That’s the space that goes “Hey, this isn’t gunna work! Hey, your goals suck! Hey, I’m negative space and I’m here to tell you your hands are stupid and they’re bad at doing stuff!”) on the TripGrid, and I’ve continued to mess with this idea.

Are you shocked to hear that I tried this same thing with triangles?

Every one of those shapes was individually rotated and colored. I may be able to figure out how to automate this process but I think there’s something charming (or sad? I get those two mixed up all the time) about the fact that I sit there and tend to each shape on a personal level instead of just pressing a button. *ahem* excuse me while I pat myself on the back.

** pat pat **

Man, I give the best back pattings.

So, I placed a shitload of identical triangles on a plane and started rotating each one of them:


I know, you’ve probably got a better method, but this is MINE! 🙂

So then I colored them each individually as well:


So. There it is. This is what happens when I’m left alone with a big red triangle.

The full Try Angles is 30×30″ and is now in my Featured section.

I made a little comic version out of it, as well. Oh did you ever see the TripGrid comic? Look:


Carl just doesn’t get it, ya know? He attended EVERY meeting, and still had no idea what was going on…

So uhh.. oh yeah! The triangle comic:


There you have it. My featured work of the century.

Check in next century for another exciting new Featured artwork! Thanks for taking a look and having a read. You’re kind of awesome!

The Weep Heard ‘Round the World: Matt Carpenter Hurts Hand, Puts Art on Hold For at Least a Couple Weeks


We’re going to have to make this quick because typing is still slightly painful.

Blades. Those things have been fuckin’ people up for over 2 million years. That’s right. You had no clue. Gorillas and people like them have been making sharp tools for over 2 million years.

Don’t believe me? Well here’s something I read on the internet that backs me up!

Lots of people have gotten hurt by these things.

Last Thursday evening, Matt Carpenter’s left hand was cut in the sink while he was dealing with some dishes. An evil knife jumped out of the sink and bit him between the thumb and forefinger, creating a large knife-bite mark that required five stitches and a week of “ow!”

These stitches are coming out today, but don’t expect any fancy art for a while, because this fucking hurts.


Let’s check in with our buddy Moe_Ron to see if he has anything to add. Moe_Ron?

Moe: Oh my gosh, Matt, I’m so sorry that happened! I hope you heal quickly and are back up on your fingers lickity-spl- uhh… in a flash!

This is our friend, Moe_Ron.
This is our friend, Moe_Ron.

Ron: Stop kissing his ass, Moe! Hey, Matt! You’re a fucking idiot! What the hell are you doing with your life?! Damn, dude, be more careful. Holy shit.

Moe: That’s so mean, Ron. He’s in pain right now and he’s our friend. He needs our support. It’s OK, Matt! You’re going to be ok, buddy.

Ron: He’s no friend of mine, Moe. Dude hasn’t done shit for me. And now he’s walking around spraying blood everywhere? What an asshole!

A photograph of what didn't happen
A photograph of what didn’t happen

Moe: He’s not spraying blood everywhere, Ron. That’s ridiculous. He’s got it patched up and cleans and cares for it daily. There’s no blood spraying anywhere.

Ron: I heard there was spraying

Moe: No spray

Ron: Spray!

Moe: No Spray!

— OK Moe_Ron we’re going to stop you right there. Thanks for your contribution, I guess.

I’ll be back into it soon, chumps. I mean champs. I mean chimps.