Matt Carpenter Wasted Tons of Time


Hi! Nice to see you.

After making a couple changes to his website ( if you’re interested – you’ve probably never heard of it, but you should check it out! you know.. for the articles), Matt Carpenter made some graphical “headers” that hang out at the top of the website.

Really sharp people might be able to find a header image up above the top headline of this page. We’ll give you a few moments to find it. Every time you reload the page you’ll get a different one! Don’t get too excited, though.

After staring at his creations for a while, Matt was inspired to make them animated.

It turns out, though, that there can’t be a random rotation of animated gifs in the header. Poor Carpenter spent a lot of time making these things and they can’t even be used.

So, we figured that we’d post them up here so people could see them. Maybe this will cheer Matt up.

Carefully inspect these images:

These gifs weren’t meant to repeat over and over like this. As headers, Mr. Carpenter had them just doing their animation once and then stopping. We set them to loop here so that you can see them well.

So, there’s really nothing that can be done with these things at this point.

Matt’s pretty upset that he wasted so much time, but we know you’re proud of him. We sure are proud of him here at


How are you doing? Oh, really? That’s interesting. Anyway, we haven’t posted here for OVER A YEAR! That’s outrageous, we know, but it isn’t our fault! Matt revoked our posting privileges because he found out about some shady business from our past. He was no longer comfortable allowing us to post here.

He’s still not, but we were able to guess his password and now we can post again! We’re BACK IN BUSINESS, BABY!!

There is a lot of new digital artwork laying around on this hard drive that we’ll have to sift through and show you later, but for now, we just wanted you to see those header images animate like Lord Matt intended.

Oh! There’s also this circle thing that we’re considering a kind of “logo” for


You’ll notice this thing around the site where appropriate (unless you’re incredibly stupid. oh god please don’t tell me you’re that horribly dim. oh no! oh no it can’t be! Oh, there, you see it now. Phew. Man, we thought you were a complete idiot there for a moment). It’s in every animation above, actually.

Scroll back up and look at them again. We bet you’ve got a favorite. Don’t tell anybody which one it is, though! It’s a private, sensitive subject for a lot of people. We don’t want Mr. Carpenter dividing the nation again. That was NOT productive.

You’re still reading this. Isn’t it wonderful? You’re one of Matt’s favorites, did you know that? He loves when you show up here to look at art and read. Don’t tell him we said that. Don’t tell him we said this either, but sometimes when he’s all alone he thinks about y–

OMG he’s waking up. We gotta go! Wait, two more bonus images: