Global attention turns toward Matt Carpenter’s new website


General planetary excitement reached an all-time high as Matt Carpenter launched his new website,, where at least TWO digital artworks are displayed. Citizens of the world were thrilled beyond measure to notice a Gallery link near the top of the site. This story continues below Borat.

Everybody's dancing in celebration of the site's launch
Everybody’s dancing in celebration of the site’s launch

Visitors could not be reached for comment, because Carpenter had disabled commenting on the site, fearing server crashes and an inability to emotionally handle the potential worldwide outpouring of excitement and support. Commenting is expected to potentially be available within the next several decades, when people learn to behave themselves and Sir Carpenter has calmed down. Twitter, Facebook, and were abuzz when they realized nobody had noticed the Info link near the top of the sight.

Investigators have discovered that Carpenter can’t code for shit. The future of the site is in question with this new information arising, but true fans know that’s future is as bright as a laser-pointer to the eye.

In the future, Carpenter’s site will potentially have a time machine and prints of his digital works for sale, but for now, he is addressing various website launch issues and has been in close contact with local pet shop owner Peter McPuppy, who is guiding Carpenter through this launch with grace and a really cool, subtle bulldog accent.

Carpenter stressed that he was stressed. His plans to continue development on the site to bring it closer to sentience will likely be forgotten soon when he finds a job. We caught up with him outside Little Caesar’s to get a statement.

“Well,” Carpenter divined, “I didn’t even think about making this website until after I got home from Little Caesar’s, so this is kinda trippy that we’re talking about this right now. Wait, what?”

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