-- CARPENTER PARKING FACILITY 4, PLANET 2, SOLAR SYSTEM 73,873,819, GALAXY 4,829, LOCAL CLUSTER 72, SUPER CLUSTER 16, UNIVERSE 2.3

Excuse me. Excuse me?! HEY! Hi, I got your attention now, I see, but this is probably annoying.

*ahem* yeah could you help me with something? Do you have a few moments?

Oh awesome thank you thank you! OK ok so.. Well.. I'll try not to take up too much of your time.. or will I?

You see.. I'm an artist. I wa- What's that? What kind of artist, you ask? Crap, I didn't practice an answer for that..

I'm a digital abstract artist. I was hoping you might help me out.

I need to know something: do you like my Night series (LINK TO NIGHT SERIES)?

Don't be scared, go ahead and take a look. Take your time, I've got some things to do while you browse the Night series.

You're done already? You're awesome! Hang on, let me wrap up a few things. I'll be back in a few moments.

OK, I'm back. Wait, hold up, let me grab my notebook.

OK, I'm ba- wait, hang on, let me find a pen. I'll be right back.

OK, I'm back. Hey, so did you take a look at the Night series? Did you? Hello?

I was looking to get some feedback on it. It's artwork. I'm an artist. I made those. You were going to help me out, remember?

Oh, now you're just going to ignore me? HELLO?! HELLO!!

Are you there? THERE you are, ha sorry, I got disconnected and didn't even realize it.

Hey so you were able to take a look?

Ahh, yes. Excellent. What'd you think?

You like them?! Really! Ssssssshhhhhhhhit, yess!! What do you like about them?

Where's my pen? Did you take my p- oh it's right here. Can you tell me a few things you like about the Night series?

Awesome, thank you so much for your time. As a bonus for helping me out, I'm going to show you some of my New Night pieces.

Oh, you have to go? That's cool, that's cool, right hey thanks again, have a great day. You're one of the good ones.

Hey, excuse me. HEY! EXCUSE ME! YOU! Hey you dropped your envelope! Hey, come back!!

Aww, damn, did you see that? That kind person who just helped me out with some feedback left their envelope here. Could you chase them down and hand it to them?

Oh. OH! Hey, it's still you! I didn't recognize you, sorry about that. Well hey, here's your envelope. You dropped it in the trash can.

It's trash? Oh, that makes sense, then. Sorry about that. You have to go? Oh right, I forgot, you've got to leave. That's cool, right on, thanks, peace, see ya.

I'll just keep these new ones to myself, I guess.

You're still here? Oh, NOW you want to see them, huh? Well I thought you had to leave. You feel bad? You think I'm going to show them to you because you told me you feel bad? I'm not a charity case, buster! Go on! Get lost! Go pound a short cliff off a long walk on the beach! Hey hey woah WOAH WOOAHH there, calm down! Hey don't TOUCH me!

Hey, stop that, there's no need to get physical, BACK OFF, I've got really sharp fingernails right now. Take it easy, why are you being so aggressive now? I was just playin'.

Fine fine I'll show you a couple of them.

Hey I'm going to leave. Lock the door on your way in, please. Thanks! See you next time. I hope :)

- CARPENTER WORKSHOP 9, QUADRANT 5

Don't mind us, we're just here to clean up a bit. Mostly we're getting the dust off of everything around here. Nobody's been here for almost 3 years, so this place needs a major dusting.

Do you know where the janitor's closet is? Wait, don't worry about it, we'll find it.

Eew, gross! Something leaked over here, it's all sticky.

Wait a minute, who are you and why are you here? This place is abandoned. Can I see some ID, please?

I guess you're right... custodians have no authority here. Now if you'll excuse us, we have to find the bleach.

Oh look what was left over here! A line of squares. Huh. Weird:

I wonder what anybody would ever need something like that for.. Aww whatever, let's just keep cleaning up.

Wow the floors in here are pretty bad. Is this JELLY? JELLY on the floor? Damn, what the heck's been going on in here?

OK we're going to have to mop in here, let's get all this stuff off the floor.

Huh. Another string of squares, check it out:

Hmm, how did they even do that?! That's pretty cool right there! OK keep cleaning, move all that stuff, we've gotta mop. Hmm I wonder what else those squares turned into.. Oh here's a couple more!

Woah that one's a bit out of control. How the hell is that done, though? Oh here's the other one:

Wow, a line of red squares can turn into THAT?! I wonder why this place is abandoned, there are some pretty neat things here. This is kind of sad.

EEK! OMG that scared the shit out of me, it's not real though. It's just art. I thought there was a real DuckSnake in here, but it's just an art. lol PHEW, check it out:

It's a DuckSnake. Super realistic, isn't it? I thought that was real for a second.

Man I can't get over that, it's like a freakin photograph, wow!

Flombee, have you finished Mopping? Krombuh, you done dusting? Quamblo, everything's back where it was, right?

Put these back where they were, Quamblo:

Ooo I bet that one started with a line of triangles!

OK folks, we're wrapping it up, right? Grab those trash bags and let's get on outta here.

And you. I'm still not sure what you're doing here, but you've taken terrible care of this place, it was a total mess. If you're going to be here, please clean up a bit, eh?

JELLY on the floor? Come on, get it together!

OK Crew we're outta here, I'll go start the train.

---

---

Keep groovin, foolios!

---

-- EARTH 3.5, REVISION 2B An update to the "theme" of this website required me to whip up some large images to be "headers." Coming to mattcarpenterart.com will now randomly display one of 10 images:                   So.. Those are the new headers. Thanks for quickly scrolling through them. You'd better get used to them, because you come to this website all the time. OK. See ya. Have a nice roast!  

-- ROOF, CARPENTER SKYSCRAPER 12, RIO DE JANEIRO, BRASIL, EARTH 2.82 Hey, how'd you get in here?! I thought I locked the door. What do you want? Oh god please don't kill me! Oh. You're here to look at art and read? Sorry about that.. I'm a little jumpy. I had a sip of coffee yesterday. Below you'll see a link to the newest additions. NEWEST ADDITIONS Above you saw a link to the newest additions gallery. I don't show that to just anybody, you know. We've got a connection of some sort, I can tell. Probably an internet connection. That's right. I said it. So... Did you check them out? They are made of pretty shapes and colors, as most visual art is. Spend some time appreciating the art. It's good for you. There are people in your life who look at and enjoy art. They are winning. Don't let them win. Use my website to get back at them and view more art. There are now almost 400 items in the mattcarpenterart.com gallery. Some of them are new. Some of them are over 10 years old, like the one up or to the right depending on what you're doing. The style has both changed and stayed the same. Holy shit that's the most "artist" CRAP I've ever said. I'm learning it! One thing I'm struggling with recently is trying to come up with shit to say about my art. I'm going to be selling it soon and in order to do that, I've gotta have SOMETHING to say about each thing. I know, I know, "hey let the art speak for itself." But if somebody asks "So what does this mean?" I can't just say "It speaks for itself, ya dummy!" So I'm trying to figure out how to have at least a few words about each thing. Lemmie practice on you with this one down here on the left (If you're on mobile, it's down below. Don't drop your phone!): "Ahh, yes, 'The Point.' I'm glad you asked. You see, I made this one back in 2002 and I have no clue what it means but look at the pretty shapes and colors. I like it, and you should, too." See, I'm getting really good at this! I'll be perfecting artist-speak in no time! Let's try another one:   "Ahh, yes, 'Stick Chain.' I'm glad you asked. You see, I made this one about two weeks ago and I have no clue what it means but look at the pretty shapes and colors. I like it, and you should as well." See how I changed it up there with the "as well" instead of "too" at the end? You've got to do that to prevent sounding repetitive. Thanks for doing a couple "drills" with me. I could tell this would be good. From the moment I thought you were trying to kill me earlier, I knew you were going to be helpful. So hey, don't forget to look at the new stuff (The second "f" in the word "stuff" can't be trusted with a link. You'd understand if you knew that f) if you didn't already. There will always be more on the way, so check back in at least every year or two. You won't regret it. If you do somehow regret it, let me know, and I'll give you a free explanation of one of my artworks. In the meantime, don't forget to clip your teeth and brush your nose, kids!