We thought it was over. We thought we were done. We thought we’d get to retire and no longer have to worry about reporting on this dude’s website.<\/p>\n
We thought the pay would be better, too! We thought we’d make trillions of dollars instead of mere billions from reporting on this website. We thought we were multiple people, but it turns out I’m writing my own news reports.<\/p>\n
We were wrong. We were dead wrong. We were way way wronger than Pyongyang<\/a>.<\/p>\n We were way way wrongerer than Willy Wonka washing William Wallace’s one wonderful wild white wool watchband while wistfully whistling “Wild Wild West” wickedly without wondering which Woolite wouldn’t worsen William’s wares.<\/p>\n Woah, wait, what were we writing regarding?<\/p>\n Oh yeah! We were wrong.<\/p>\n mattcARpenTerart.com has added a “Featured” section, available here<\/a>.<\/p>\n We broke into Carpenter’s mansion<\/a> to ask him what this section is. After having us arrested, his legal team sent our moms this note, written in blood on parchment:<\/p>\n _____________________________________________<\/p>\n Dear Moms,<\/p>\n Suck it!<\/p>\n Sincerely,<\/p>\n Matt Carpenter’s Legal Team<\/p>\n P.S. Suck it super deep!<\/p>\n _____________________________________________<\/p>\n Despite not being able to contact Carpenter, we did learn that the new “Featured<\/a>” section will display works that Carpenter describes in a little more detail than usual. Information about the work and\/or the process will be shared with each “Featured<\/a>” piece.<\/p>\n The first and latest Feature is called “Fifteens” and is displayed below:<\/p>\n Many are still reeling from this shocking new addition, but they’ve mostly just reeled in old boots and toilet seats.<\/p>\n After careful analysis, one of these toilet seats was found to be worth $3, so that’s not bad.<\/p>\n We’ll be keeping an eye on Carpenter because we’re looking to attack him since he got us arrested. While we’re stalking him, we’ll be sure to keep you up to date on any new happenings on mattcArpenteRarT.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n Please pay us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" – THIS WEBSITE We thought we’d seen it all. We thought the dust had settled and mAttcaRpenTerart.com had already achieved ultimate perfection. We thought he’d forgotten all about it, aside from adding only 20 new things under “New Additions” in the gallery, as well as 3 new series in the series gallery (totaling 43 new … <\/p>\n![](\"http:\/\/mattcarpenterart.com\/gallery\/_data\/i\/galleries\/Featured\/Fifteens-me.png\")
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